Losing to life.....

Each day as it passes, there's a subtle feeling developing in my heart. Somewhere, i am loosing each challenge life is throwing at me and feel that the time is near before i am knocked out. Kudos to people who fight against it but i am not sure where my strength has evaporated. I was not always of that kind, but things have changed and unfortunately i have with those things.

There's no enjoyment, there's no fun, above all there's no reason left to enjoy, and i am not sure why is this. Every time i see a person smiling genuinely and enjoying life, i wonder what might be the reason that he/she has that i cant have.

I don't know where i'll be say 5 years down the line, but right now, things are'nt going according to my plan. This is not the life i ordered.

Random thought!!

Just sitting and its not that i have nothing to do, its just that i don't want a thing to be done. Not at least write now. So just came up with an idea of penning down something. Something comprising of anything. Anything absurd, anything meaningful, i just don't know.

A lot going on around these days. The biggest of 'em all which is really kind of taking a toll on me is growing up. When i say its kind of taking toll, i mean to say perhaps i am not synchronizing with the pace life is moving ahead. Somewhere down the line, i feel i am left behind. Its all about pretending yourself to be as mature as your age but its just not clicking, its just not happening. I am still what i used to be. Circumstances are changing all around me and i really don't know if people around me have really matured with it or are just pretending to be like that, the same thing which i feel. Or may be they are truly original, unlike me. People might have moved on but i feel i am still stuck with my past which ironically for people all over, always seems to be golden. I have 27 years to look behind and drool over them, and never does a thought cross my mind which worries me about "n" number of years to look ahead of me. Now that "n" can assume any value from minimal to an average life span.

As i read this thing again which i just wrote, makes me laugh and makes me say "What a Crap?". Really, loneliness is what i generally desire, and when i get it, i come up with crap such as above. Irony!!!

Does God really exist?

Ok so we've been listening this and reading this since our childhood days, that God is there to help you in every tough time of yours and that whatever happens happens for your good. Well..............may be i can challenge that everytime i meet a person contesting for it. If this is the case, how do you explain a 26 year old boy in a family hanging himself to death just for no reason. Ahh.....the reason bein a girl who's hardly interested in him. May be you can call him a lunatic, i call it injustice.

And the latest, how on earth you can explain a girl, poor little kid aged 24 years, dying just for no reason. Healthy and happy a few days back, suddenly leaves all of us just for no reason at all? Ahh may be there was a reason, well the so called "God" of yours loved her more than we do, so He asked her to come and live by his side. Okay i am down with that, but what about her parents, her friends, her siblings who are left "just like that" within a matter of seconds? Who can solace them? God? I bet........"No" is the clear cut answer here. We all can pray and visit temples whwnever we want, but c'mon admit that, that there are somethings which He does and they are not justified. May be you guys can still maintain your so called faith, i cant.

Wherever you are my sis, my buddy........live happily and just be along side us, now i am being selfish here but i would request you to be always by my side at least. Simple reason being, there's no forward movement in my life without you sis. I'll miss you forever and i'll love you forever, just come back if its possible or better, call me to live by your side. RIP sis...........

Driving Sense......!!!

So this has been the most memorable part for me in the US. Driving all sorts of cars on all sorts of places never seen previously by me. First and foremost, the biggest hurdle is the left side based steering wheel. Frankly, i gave up initially on the thought of driving. But its better to ride in a madly driven car instead of walking up and down the office which is a mile and a half away. Initially i was seriously a threat to the good and sober people driving at their own slow leisure in the city since i usually followed my Indian instincts of driving to the left and coming head on with a guy who then becomes as terrified as a rabbit in front of a gun and starts to sound the horn. Mind you, people only use horn here when they show disrespect to your driving and i have numerous memories of horns blowing right and left of me. :-)

Now that i am used to driving here i am afraid how will i get adjusted to the conditions back home again. Because there's only one rule over there, thats "No Rule".

Anyhow, i love the way people here allow you to move ahead when you are stuck on a turn waiting for vehicles to pass by............the way they stop for you when you are crossing a street or a road. Everything being so very systematic, these people have really minimized the chances of accident taking place inside a city at least.

Far far away from home!

Ok so this part of my life is interesting for me at least, so i can by pass my past and mention my overseas exposure here. To be very honest, i was never too keen a guy who always wanted to flee away to overseas and live here. So its better than i am here in the USA for just 3 months and will again come for 3 months perhaps sometimes later this year. This sort of duration to live away from India suits me may be. One more honest thought, i am seriously not that a guy who's always cribbing and complaining of living away from home and seriously i am enjoying over here. You might say that there's just that minute percentage of me that has started to say that enough now, lets go back home.....:-)

The main reason being the difficulty related to food and culinary habits. It has started to take a toll on me now and may be this is the only thing which has started forcing me to think that way. Anyhow i cant ignore this.

Apart from this, its a wonderful nation.......so many misconceptions about this place back home i wonder. This is the height of development a country can achieve, still they have lovely people, lovely weather, beautiful cities, natural beauty all over, everything so systematic. I love it and just wonder can our nation be like that?

Faded and Revived !!

Ok so after several months, i get time again to get back to writing. I just lost interest suddenly after creating my blog after a couple of days but i've been noticing that i am yet again inclining towards the interest of penning down things surrounding me. So, here m again...:-)

Walkthrough in a nutshell!!!

Obviously if i start covering each and every episode of my life, this blog would grow enormously. So let me start and stop where i want. :-)..........I was born in Kanpur in a family that was financially sound enough to tolerate my forthcoming expenses. I got almost everything that was required but a child is a child, always hungry for more. We had a couple of floors in our house and we used to live on the first floor, while my grand parents and the aunts and uncles lived on the lower one. As i grew up, i always knew that we were yet to grow financially and the best is yet to come as my father was growing in stature slowly but surely. Although i was much much closer to my mom than dad in terms of everything. My elder brother, who was elder to me by 4 years taught me to endure physical pain by bashing me throughout the day although i did retaliated on a few occasions with anything that was found nearby me. My grandfather was a doctor and loved me a lot, even though i will duly admit that perhaps i did not showed that much of love in return. My mom handled the kitchen that was initially joint but slowly she started to handle our very own one as we were growing and our she needed to come to terms with our rate of consuming food and everything. I started my schooling at a tender age and slowly started to enjoy that little school with a few initial crying sessions. Every summer vacation was eagerly awaited as all of us cousins gathered and created havoc through the area. Also not to forget the hooligans living in the neighbourhood who teamed with us. :-)